'Mornings' 2022

The loneliness series started much like my other projects – as a way of leaning into a difficult feeling state and trying to find a way of understanding and befriending it.

At the time, I felt consumed by loneliness; it was permeating my everyday life. So I decided to explore this feeling through painting.

When I felt into my embodied sense of loneliness, I noticed it as a kind of armour or cage around the heart. It was a sense of simultaneously yearning for connection while also feeling self-protective and resistant to reaching out.

I realised that my self-created life working as a therapist and an artist was both freeing and lonely. I was struggling with the duality of having greater freedom versus needing a sense of belonging.

As I started to befriend my loneliness, I realised that it is just a part of me that visits sometimes. I was able to let go of the sense of shame that led me to hide and deny my loneliness for fear of what others might think. I was reminded that my loneliness needs my attention.

The ‘atmosphere’ of loneliness seemed important to emphasise and this is reflected in the paintings. The mark-making is reduced to a bare minimum. There is a vulnerable tenderness in the colour tones.